so very thankful.

In this time of thanksgiving, I have been reflecting on how blessed I truly am. I am surrounded by people who love and support me; I am doing something that finally challenges me, and every day I strive to rise to this challenge; I have all of the resources, inner and outer, that I need to sustain me. I am grateful for all that I have experienced, for it has made me into who I am today.

But a few more specific things— or rather people— come to mind:

A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of unexpectedly running into an old professor of mine from when I first studied in Italy. Her passion for the art and culture of the bel paese had a powerful effect on me, for it was during that seminal period in my life that I learned so much about myself and what it was that I was passionate about: and here I am, seven years later, in graduate school, living the dream that was born one morning as I watched the dawn rise over Venice, largely thanks to her.

Recently I also reconnected with an old friend, with whom I had fallen out of touch, and not under the best of circumstances; after four years, we have found our way back to one another.  We met over a drink and caught up and reminisced about the adventures that we had shared together in Florence— those dizzy days of romance and hope and discovery and uncertainty. It was so wonderful to see her, and to observe how all of the misunderstandings and the hurt that resulted have dissipated with time. In all honesty, I never expected that this would happen. I am overwhelmed by the power of grace, and overjoyed to have my dear friend back, who once was lost to me. 

Similarly, I am so thankful for my closest friend in my new city, who is always there for me. We bonded on a class trip to Rome (I am SO blessed to have opportunities like this, needless to say!), and ever since she has been my confidante and a sister in spirit. Though our faiths are different, she is one of the most open-minded and respectful people I know, and we share a deep connection that transcends any difference in creed. She is a beautiful human being, within and without.

I have also recently celebrated eight months with my boyfriend, a wonderful man who inspires and encourages me; his warmth, tenderness, and generosity of spirit support me in so many ways, and I am so very grateful to have him in my life. Together we have traipsed across the hills of Tuscany, the parks of Disney World, and the avenues of New York City, amongst other adventures... but more importantly, we have shared so many of those quiet, quotidian moments that make up much of our lives, and still we appreciate the beauty in them. I have learned so much at his side, and I look forward to watching our relationship continue to blossom (se son rose ancora non so... but I have a good feeling!).

My family, as always, are at the core of my support system, and I am thankful for them each and every day. I admire my parents who work so hard to provide us with all that we need, and my siblings who are each seeking to find their own paths in their own ways.

And, lastly, I am thankful for every friend with whom I have had the honor of crossing paths, even if only for an instant.

With love,
Stella

the final push.

In ten days I will have completed my first year in graduate school; one presentation and four papers stand between me and summer, but I can practically taste it. Here in the northeast summer seems to have arrived early. The past few days have been sunny, humid, and upwards of 80 degrees– my summer skirts have finally been released from their dusty prison in the back of my closet! Last night I walked home after a milonga– an evening of tango dancing– without a jacket. Delicious!!

The past month has been a whirlwind of activity, mostly consisting of long days and late nights at the library, and resulting in the some wonderful feedback from my peers. I've been living off of this complement from a third-year graduate student (one of my role models!) for weeks now:

"Tremendous presentation today. You are such a polished and articulate - and SMART scholar. Wow. What fun."

Ahh!!! I don't think I have ever considered myself a scholar, per se, but I suppose I ought to try it on as it appears to fit! I can do this after all. It is going to be a tough push to the end– but I am going to make it! And then: a new European adventure begins. I booked my flight yesterday; my plans are no longer amorphous, but are rather becoming palpable. Soon I will be on the other side of the ocean once again, living in a new land, speaking a new language, becoming a new me... thank you, universe.

all is new!

Here's to 2010: may it be a year of love, light, and blessings.

This year my greatest project is to finally get in shape, and maintain it. Once my body is a fit channel, all other aspects of myself will function better as well, emotional, mental, spiritual. I want to truly be in my body, for it is the temple of the living God. I must honor it!

I will also meditate daily, to continually re-center myself upon that which is most important to me. This will be a year of striving to live my ideals every day. I must set the pattern now for the direction in which I want my life to move in the future, and I feel that great and marvelous things await me along my path: I must trust in the abundance of the universe, and honor the divinity within me.

I will practice emotional alchemy, transforming negative emotions into positive ones. The time has come to let go of all past sorrows; they have taught me beautiful lessons, and I am grateful for all that I have learned. I acknowledge that I needed to work through them in order to arrive in the place in which I stand today. But I must continue to move forward. I can no longer allow myself to rub salt in these old wounds, for they must finally heal. This is my true desire: to move towards wholeness through forgiveness and compassion, for others and myself.


With every day and the wonder, beauty, and challenge that it presents, I hope to grow in grace into the woman that I want to be.

gratitude.

As I walked home today, I reflected on just how blessed I am, and was overcome with gratitude. There are so many things that we take for granted. A beautiful body, an open heart, a sound mind, a pure spirit, for starters. Grace, so much grace that my cup veritably runs over with it. I know that I have earned it (if not in this life then in the last!) and yet that it is a gift from the universe to me. I must do the best that I can, here, now, with what I have, and trust that all that is destined to come to me will come.*