What a momentous time this is in my life. I see many possible pathways before me, and will choose one within the next month or two (or few...), one which may very well be the beginning of my professional career. Whether it is pursuing a PhD, or teaching, or even working nine-to-five, it will be the next step along my journey. And the fact that all is still so open, so full of potential and possibility is so exciting! This openness can also disguise itself as a dark sort of uncertainty when fear enters in, yet now I am peaceful, hopeful, expectant, trusting. For I know that I am always in the right place at the right time, and that the challenges that I am facing are necessary for my own growth. I accept them, and am learning to welcome and embrace them, for they are the means by which I am tested, by which I test myself.
And thus, although some doors are being closed to me, I shall not worry--for others are being opened. I could be in any one of so many positions next year. I have many options, many talents, many skills, and must only apply myself now in setting the pattern for what is to become the next chapter of my life.
Today I had a wonderful thought: who & where & what I am at this moment in time is the sum of all my past experiences, and thus in a sense each and every one of those experiences was necessary to bring me to where I stand now. I see the tiny building blocks coming together. And similarly, some day in the future, I will look back once again and see how all of my life experiences from this point on converged serendipitously, carefully choreographed by the will of God (through the semblance of my own will), to bring me to the precise place, identity, state-of-being that I shall then inhabit. In retrospect I will see how the pieces came together to form the whole, and all of my inconsequential worries about the 'uncertain future' will be remembered wisely with a chuckle and a knowing smile. I will wonder how I ever managed to worry about the graceful path that lay before me, simply because I couldn't see beyond the horizon. Thus, here and now, I have faith that I will be where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing. Quello che deve venire, verrà. *